Fear of Success
Poppies in Bill’s back yard
Are you Suffering from Tall Poppy Syndrome?
Tall Poppy Syndrome is a career and happiness killer.
Tall Poppy Syndrome (aka TPS) is the fear that you will be criticized for standing out from the people around you. The fear is deep seated, rarely vocalized, and you could say it operates at a subconscious level. People have it and deny their affliction all the time. They avoid chasing dreams, suffer mental health challenges, and die with regrets.
Denial is why almost no-one does anything about TPS. It’s easy to deny the affliction because no-one talks about it. We don’t have role models or courses for dissolving TPS. Companies don’t have workshops for leaders on recognizing and addressing TPS (bad corporate leadership is directly tied to TPS).
To make it more fun — TPS can be combined with Imposter Syndrome for a truly spirit crushing combo.
Where does TPS start?
At the core, TPS is a fear of criticism and rejection. Humans are pack animals, we always want to be around other people and part of the pack. Even introverts need other people around.
Criticism sparks a fear that we will be ejected from the pack, the family, the company, or the group. Because pack membership is seen as critical for our life, we bend ourselves to conform to their wishes. We rarely take a step back to evaluate.
Funny
The funny thing is — we don’t recognize and acknowledge that successful people break through the glass ceiling of TPS. The singular super power that successful people have going for them is their willingness to stand out. Find a corporate exec or sports figure or repeat success as an example.
We see this self limiting behavior all the time. Brilliant software developers who never move into leadership roles, silver tongued sales people who stay at the same level, artists who never publish in public. Their reasons for staying at one level are always some version of “moving up is risky” — that is TPS talking. Ok, maybe this isn’t funny.
Breaking through
TPS is a choice. Serious outliers have moved past TPS because they understand the value in being outliers. Oprah, Gary Vee, Elon, and Will Smith are on the short list for repeated willingness to stand out.
Here’s what I’ve learned from years of pushing the ceiling (full disclosure, I still bounce off the ceiling on a regular basis). I’m not perfect but I am practicing.
Admission of the problem. Just like AA, you have to admit the problem. Using excuses means you don’t want to admit the issue yet. Excuses are the most common way we have to avoid doing something that scares us.
Commit to change. Yes, this can/will sound uncomfortable but stick around for a “baby step” approach. Committing is a process, like brushing your teeth on a regular basis. You have to commit every day.
Don’t plan on eating a whale in the first bite. This is going to be a lifelong practice. Just like brushing your teeth, plan on daily engagement. We need to make standing out a habit to overcome the old habit of hiding.
Recognize that most of this is learning and practicing of skills. Brushing your teeth is a skill, chin-ups are a skill, leading teams well is a skill, driving a car is a skill (and racing cars is a separate skill). Good relationships, publishing, and farming (one I want to learn) are all skills.
Identify a desire. We all need a starting point. It’s like building a muscle. Start by wanting to do a single chin-up. When that’s accomplished — work towards five. The vast majority of adults can’t do one chin-up so this is a good start.
Break it down. You can break anything down into tiny pieces to learn and practice and improve. I’ve broken down racing cars, tuning and repairing Ferrari’s, working in multiple databases, multiple coding languages, carpentry, tile work, and presenting to various kinds of audiences. And leading teams.
Start. Start as tiny as you can. When I started surfing, it was in tiny waves, sand bottom, zero danger. I worked up to big Pipeline.
Acknowledge friction — and keep moving forward. My mom and many friends have been opposed every time I’ve started down a Tall Poppy path. They have fears which they shared with me to stop my progress. I didn’t let them sway me. I found people who were supportive of my path and leveraged their wisdom.
Practice every day. That’s really the core, being willing to practice every day.
Many people will read this. Few will be willing to actually do the work.
I hope you are one of the few who is willing. If you are one of the few, I’d be delighted to help you.