Preparing our kids for success

I think a lot about how to make sure that my kids have an awesome life.

What are the things that I learned growing up that contributed to me having an awesome life? What are the things I learned in my adult years that I wish I had known sooner?

My perception today is that my parents wanted me to be setup for success no matter what I decided to do. They weren’t invested in my going down any particular career path especially not the career path that my dad had gone down.

Today, it seems that a lot of parents are very focused on success in a specific and pre-defined career path.

In some regards, the kids are choosing these paths based on strong suggestions and parents are not dissuading or cautioning kids on these paths. All the parents say is “that sounds awesome” and they then have bragging rights because their kid wants to be a rocket scientist, or a data scientist, or an ER surgeon. They have succeeded in making sure their kid goes down a “good” path.

The problem with this is the kid feels they are stuck. If they switch from ER surgeon to opening a coffee shop, they’ve failed and their parents (and parents peers) will look down on them. They don’t want to disappoint their family and friends.

I don’t think parents recognize what they are doing in this context. They are locking their kid in a metaphorical cage.

I think when parents make this mistake they think they are being supportive when actually they are imprisoning. Kids want to please their parents and we have to be very careful how we encourage them.

I don’t want my kids to be imprisoned.

I want them to have freedom, I want them to be able to make choices, and I want them to be able to change their minds. I want them to be able to look at something and go “Wow, I thought this was a good idea but now that I’ve learned more, it actually looks bad.”

That certainly has been a defining characteristic of how my professional path has gone

I switched majors when I got data that my original career vision was horribly inaccurate.

So how do we flip it around? What do we tell our kids? What do we not tell our kids?

I think the first thing is that we tell them we want them to be happy & successful and we don’t really care what the hell they do for a living. I think that’s #1 and it needs to be repeated frequently.

If they say they want a particular career path — we say “Great, awesome! And if you change your mind, that’s awesome too.” It would arguably be helpful to ask “What’s the worst part of that career path you are thinking of taking?” and if they don’t know, having them do some research to find out could be really valuable.

Once they do know that worst part, the next question “Is that a price you are willing to accept?” Especially if that worst part is something that will happen 70–90% of the time. It changes things when the price level becomes understood.

Everyone wants the fun, sexy, easy part of the job but once you start looking at what the grind is — that’s a different story. Prepare your kids by having the conversations of what the good and the bad look like. Then support them on their journey, not what you think their journey should be.

So it’s a new year, I hope it’s a great one, and I hope you are thinking, as I am, about how to do the best job possible of getting our kids ready to be adults.

Happy parenting!!

PS: I’m stupidly proud of how my kids are turning out :-)